Alexandra J Schmidt
2003-11-24 15:04:19 UTC
My oldest sons are 3 and 5. There is a tiny Christmas tree in
their family day care. (I have no problem with this; it is a
private home and frankly I think it's nice for them to see and
enjoy a tree up close without it being an object of great mystery.
Most of their close friends are Jewish so they rarely see one
in a friend's house.)
The other day my big boy said to me--I suspect rather out of curiosity
to see what I'd say--"Next year me and <brother> are going to have
a Christmas tree." I smiled and said, "Don't think so, hon, they
are not a Jewish thing." He said, "Some Jewish people have
Christmas trees."
I kind of let it go (said, "Not gonna happen, my dear") and that was
the end of the discussion. However, I could see the possibility
for a more involved conversation. I'm not sure where his comment
about "some Jewish people" came from--my guess is that he made it up,
as 5-year-olds do, since none of our Jewish friends have trees.
However, though he doesn't know it yet, his cousin's growing up in a
home with a tree (my brother's intermarried but on the other coast).
And there certainly are Jews, or kids with one Jewish parent, living
in homes with trees. So had he pushed the conversation, it might
have been a challenge to come up with a very age-appropriate explanation.
Things you tell young kids have a way of being relayed, and simple
explanations are best. So, saying, "having a Christmas tree if you're
Jewish really trivializes someone else's religion and doesn't take
your own very seriously either"* is not an answer that I think can
be very easily parsed. And an answer like "it's not a very knowledgeable
or good Jewish thing to do"* might result in his informing some kid
(or his cousin) that "you're not a good Jew". (I'd hope he'd be more
sensitive and mannerly than that but even good 5-year-olds slip.)
With regard specifically to mixed-marriage homes, I've always felt
that if the non-Jewish partner wants a tree there's no RELIGIOUS
reason he/she shouldn't have one--arguments against having one are
more a matter of the internal dynamics of the marriage, which are not
my or my child's business apart from observing that if it's a problem,
the couple should have addressed it BEFORE choosing to marry. But we
all know there are homes inhabited only by Jews that do have trees,
and sooner or later my child's going to meet one. And there are
certainly intermarried homes with halachically-Jewish kids who are
very into Christmas.
This is a prickly topic, no pun intended, and I hope my sentiments
marked with *'s give no offense. They do, however, reflect my
values and opinions, and I hope that like-minded parents with more
experience might have some useful perspective to share.
. . .Alexandra
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their family day care. (I have no problem with this; it is a
private home and frankly I think it's nice for them to see and
enjoy a tree up close without it being an object of great mystery.
Most of their close friends are Jewish so they rarely see one
in a friend's house.)
The other day my big boy said to me--I suspect rather out of curiosity
to see what I'd say--"Next year me and <brother> are going to have
a Christmas tree." I smiled and said, "Don't think so, hon, they
are not a Jewish thing." He said, "Some Jewish people have
Christmas trees."
I kind of let it go (said, "Not gonna happen, my dear") and that was
the end of the discussion. However, I could see the possibility
for a more involved conversation. I'm not sure where his comment
about "some Jewish people" came from--my guess is that he made it up,
as 5-year-olds do, since none of our Jewish friends have trees.
However, though he doesn't know it yet, his cousin's growing up in a
home with a tree (my brother's intermarried but on the other coast).
And there certainly are Jews, or kids with one Jewish parent, living
in homes with trees. So had he pushed the conversation, it might
have been a challenge to come up with a very age-appropriate explanation.
Things you tell young kids have a way of being relayed, and simple
explanations are best. So, saying, "having a Christmas tree if you're
Jewish really trivializes someone else's religion and doesn't take
your own very seriously either"* is not an answer that I think can
be very easily parsed. And an answer like "it's not a very knowledgeable
or good Jewish thing to do"* might result in his informing some kid
(or his cousin) that "you're not a good Jew". (I'd hope he'd be more
sensitive and mannerly than that but even good 5-year-olds slip.)
With regard specifically to mixed-marriage homes, I've always felt
that if the non-Jewish partner wants a tree there's no RELIGIOUS
reason he/she shouldn't have one--arguments against having one are
more a matter of the internal dynamics of the marriage, which are not
my or my child's business apart from observing that if it's a problem,
the couple should have addressed it BEFORE choosing to marry. But we
all know there are homes inhabited only by Jews that do have trees,
and sooner or later my child's going to meet one. And there are
certainly intermarried homes with halachically-Jewish kids who are
very into Christmas.
This is a prickly topic, no pun intended, and I hope my sentiments
marked with *'s give no offense. They do, however, reflect my
values and opinions, and I hope that like-minded parents with more
experience might have some useful perspective to share.
. . .Alexandra
=============================================================================
This post reflects the author's opinion; the moderators' opinions may differ.
Posters seeking medical or halachic information should consult competent
authorities in those fields.
ACKs are handled by an autoresponder. Munged From:/Reply-To: means no ACKs.
Use "X-Ack-To: address" to redirect ACKs; it won't show up in the final post.
Use "X-Ack-To: none" to suppress Acks. "X-Ack-To:" goes on a line by itself.
--
This forum discusses issues specific to childrearing in a Jewish context.
Submissions: scjp-***@scjp.jewish-usenet.org ** NEW ADDRESS **
Pre-Review: scjp-***@shamash.org
Want the FAQ? Send the message "send scjp-faq" to ***@scjfaq.org
SCJ FAQ/RL? Send the message "send faq 01-FAQ-intro" to ***@scjfaq.org