Choosing a religious school...

[Jfer P]

With all due respect to Adele, who sounds like a wonderful, thoughtful
educator, I believe after-school Hebrew schools are fighting an
almost-unwinnable battle.

#1, they're getting tired, tired kids who would probably rather be
anywhere else but in front of another blackboard,

#2, they're getting kids at an age when fitting in - not having weird,
special "Jewish" requirements - is of utmost importance,

#3, they're teaching values in direct conflict with everything the
child gets elsewhere in his life, except perhaps in limited doses at
home,

#4, the teachers are tired too... if they're teachers at all, and not
just Israeli yordim (people who have moved here from Israel) looking
for an income on the side. And if they are real teachers, chances
are, they are exhausted from their day jobs.

As a victim - er, I mean veteran - of USCJ after-school Hebrew
schools, I can also honestly say that I came out at age 16 with less
knowledge of Hebrew language than I had going in. Literally. I
applied for a job at my first Hebrew school, an unaffiliated
after-school program founded by two educators just for the love of it,
and straight out of a USCJ *for-credit* 10th grade Hebrew course, I
failed a test they had given me back in second grade.

I am not here to bash any one movement - Hebrew schools of all
movements suffer from the same issues. And all this leaves me totally
stumped as to what to do with public-school kids. Is it really
"better than nothing," as most North American parents seem to think?

BTW, Dan, Adele is right. "Hebrew" school is a North American
phenomenon.

It's very telling that when Catholics arrived here, the first thing
they did was set up excellent parochial (literally, parish) school
systems. We Jews were so gung-ho for the "fitting in" thing that we
tossed out the values of a few millennia for a free public school
education and the chance at a Harvard PhD.

We figured what our zeidies had spent a lifetime learning in yeshiva,
our American children could pick up in a few hours a week. I found it
helpful - back when I was planning to have kids - to read Hayim Halevy
Donin's analysis, in _To Raise a Jewish Child_, of just how little
education those few hours a week add up to.

We all know we can't expect our kids to pick up adult math skills with
a few hours' instruction "on the side." With this in mind, I decided
not to "foredoom" their Jewish lives ahead of time and planned for day
schools from the word go.

However, I know things can be difficult when you don't see eye-to-eye
with an ex-spouse. I take it from your tone that NO religious
education is enough in her opinion. That's a tough one.

I meet a lot of Russian Jews, and I'm always dismayed to see that
disconnect from Judaism - the feeling that it's just not relevant.
Probably from so many years of having to be "secretly" and ashamedly
Jewish, bearing all of the stigma and none of the joy. A Russian
(Jewish) co-worker asked me just the other day why I go to to Jewish
classes... "don't you know it all already?" She wasn't joking.

In a divorce (don't know if this is true in your case), there may be
some hesitation because of money. Even if you can afford it and are
footing 100% of the bill, she may worry that it will impact her money
somehow. This may be the case even if she says it isn't. That's just
a wild guess, since the cost of day schools is a major issue around
here. And because my ex doesn't approve, I am paying the bills for
it, and I guess he just kind of looks the other way.

Whatever the case, we are lucky now to have access to excellent day
schools of all stripes in most major Jewish communities. Since you're
moving heaven and earth anyway to get him into an afterschool program,
you may as well schlep just a little further and give him the
advantage of a unified spiritual education that will last a lifetime.

Good luck,

Jennifer M. Paquette
Proud mommy of two perfect children (ha ha ha).


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[kgold]

I think our youth program is basically successful. Some of the things
we do:

- The Rabbi is not trying to teach conversational Hebrew. He teaches
reading and translation of words the kids are likely to encounter in
prayers. Our teens might not know every word, but they can read a
prayer and basically understand what it's saying.

I remember my after school class, and I still remember the words for
pen, pencil, notebook, and table. But I don't have fond memories of
the process.

- He spends at least half the class discussing Torah and classic
midrash. Our teens come out understanding Jewish philosophy and
ethics at their level.

- He covers the Jewish life cycle, Jewish holidays, ancient and modern
history.

The key to 2 and 3 is discussion, not lecturing.

I taught for a few years, and I remember 10 year olds debating the
guilt or innocence of Cain, acting out Joseph being sold into slavery,
or Jacob's encounters with Esau. The classes were hectic, sometimes
borderline out of control, but the kids were certainly engaged with
the text.

Post by Jfer P
#3, they're teaching values in direct conflict with everything the
child gets elsewhere in his life, except perhaps in limited doses at
home, ...

We require a parent to attend class with each child. This insures
that the parents are at least aware of what's being taught. As
parents learn with the children, they gain a respect for Jewish
philosophy, and it carries over to home life.

In return, the children respect that the parents are "walking the
walk", not just dropping them off.


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[Barbara]

***@watson.ibm.com (kgold) wrote in message news:<bro10r$f50$***@news.btv.ibm.com>...
SNIP

Post by kgold
We require a parent to attend class with each child. This insures
that the parents are at least aware of what's being taught. As
parents learn with the children, they gain a respect for Jewish
philosophy, and it carries over to home life.
In return, the children respect that the parents are "walking the
walk", not just dropping them off.

I am curious about what you do with children whose parents both work
outside the home, or parents with more than one child. If a parent
needs to be at work in order to financially support the family at the
time of the classes, or if the parent needs to be with another child,
would you exclude the child from attending religious school?

I do agree that one of the primary problems with after-school Jewish
education in America is the lack of dedication of the parents. Far
too often, parents view it as a waste of time or as simply something
that the child has to *get through* in order to be Bar/Bat Mitzvah at
a particular synagogue or temple. No wonder that the children are
similarly disillusioned.

Barbara


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[kgold]

Post by Barbara

Post by kgold
We require a parent to attend class with each child. This insures
that the parents are at least aware of what's being taught. As
parents learn with the children, they gain a respect for Jewish
philosophy, and it carries over to home life.
In return, the children respect that the parents are "walking the
walk", not just dropping them off.

I am curious about what you do with children whose parents both work
outside the home, or parents with more than one child. If a parent
needs to be at work in order to financially support the family at the
time of the classes, or if the parent needs to be with another child,
would you exclude the child from attending religious school?

Our youth program is every other Sunday, and we've never had a case
where a parent couldn't attend. Our congregation requires many other
commitments as well. If 15 Sundays a year is too much, there would
most likely be other issues as well.

Since the Rabbi currently teaches all the classes, there's only one
class at a time. So there's no problem with one parent handling more
than one child. However, often with two child families, one parent
takes each child. It becomes a nice family Jewish education morning.

How can our children learn as much in 15 Sundays as children going 3
days a week for 30 weeks? I offer three possibilities:

- A lot of learning goes on at other activities, services and
holidays, which almost everyone attends. We're not centered around
the youth program, as in many traditional congregations.

- There's homework, which the parents are well aware of, since they do
it as well. So we have a model of parents and children informally
studying together at home several times a week.

- We don't attempt conversational Hebrew.

See http://www.chavurah.org


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[a***@gematria.crdgecom]

Hi Jennifer--

You sound very impacted by your experience with after-school Hebrew
school programs ("victim", "foredoom" etc.). There are some very real
issues and concerns I have about them too, but you make some
generalizations that are, I think inaccurate. They may also reflect
realities that were more relevant when you and I were kids than they
are now.

Post by Jfer P
With all due respect to Adele, who sounds like a wonderful, thoughtful
educator, I believe after-school Hebrew schools are fighting an
almost-unwinnable battle.
#1, they're getting tired, tired kids who would probably rather be
anywhere else but in front of another blackboard,

Absolutely true and my #2 concern about after-school Hebrew school
(#1 concern is the very limited number of hours).

Post by Jfer P
#2, they're getting kids at an age when fitting in - not having weird,
special "Jewish" requirements - is of utmost importance,

One of the biggest lessons I hope to impart to my kids is that
"fitting in" is not the most important thing in the world. Even if
my kids go to day school, I don't really want to raise totally
"fitting in" people.

But equally to the point, if there are lots of Jewish kids attending
an after-school Hebrew school, the kids will have plenty of peers and
friends doing the same thing they are. And if there aren't a lot of
Jewish kids in an area attending after-school Hebrew school, this is
either because the Jewish population is small (so probably no day
school locally or very limited options) or because all the Jewish
population of the area attends day school (so the issue is moot).

Post by Jfer P
#3, they're teaching values in direct conflict with everything the
child gets elsewhere in his life, except perhaps in limited doses at
home,

See above in terms of peers and friends.

I agree that if your kid comes from the most observant home in the town,
you may be living in the wrong town. But otherwise, you choose your
friends and associates according to your values, and hope your child
will do the same. (A general issue, no matter where your child
goes to school.)

Post by Jfer P
#4, the teachers are tired too... if they're teachers at all, and not
just Israeli yordim (people who have moved here from Israel) looking
for an income on the side. And if they are real teachers, chances
are, they are exhausted from their day jobs.

I think this is a dated perspective. And I must say that I find
use of the slightly pejorative term "yordim" a bit dismaying. Neither
you nor I are Israeli, and as someone who has chosen not to make my
home in Israel I feel I have no right to criticize, even implicitly,
someone else's decision not to do so. Anyhow, very few of the after-
school Hebrew school teachers in my town are Israeli expats. One is,
out of a staff of 15 or so at my C shul.

Also, when I look at the people who most impacted my Jewish learning
(both as a child and as an adult), no more than a third of them, at
most, were "professional" teachers. Doesn't mean that teaching
certification isn't valuable--it is. (Though it is not a guarantee
of being an effective educator.) But in a community that prides
itself on learning for EVERYONE, there are some mighty fine educators
who are technically laypeople.

As a side note, afterschool Hebrew schools are generally moving away
from a Hebrew-language or Zionist-based curriculum and more toward a
prayer or mitzvot focus. (Obviously you get some coverage of all
these areas, but to be more specific WRT the Hebrew issue, kids at
our C shul learn to read and write, block and script, but their
vocabulary is focused much more on the Hebrew that appears in the
liturgy, much less on conversational Hebrew.) This is one of the reasons
that teachers are much less likely to be hired just because they have
Hebrew as a first language than was the case in the 60s and 70s.

This does point up the fact that if command of modern spoken Hebrew
is important to you, very few afterschool Hebrew schools will serve
you well.

Post by Jfer P
We figured what our zeidies had spent a lifetime learning in yeshiva,
our American children could pick up in a few hours a week.

Dunno about your zeidy, but mine sold produce and his father was a
teamster. ;) I do think there's a tendency to romanticize how much
studying happened in shtetls, though there was unquestionably a
Jewish flavor to all aspects of daily life and discourse that you don't
find many places in the US. However, it wasn't until my great-grandfather
came to the US and had modest business success that he made daily study
a priority. Different strokes.

But I do agree with your basic point that 6 hours a week isn't much.

My children (3 and 5) know that Hebrew lessons from me or my husband
are just part of our daily routine. It is important to us, and they
know it. We are lucky to be able to provide this for them, but
I think it makes a powerful impact on a child of ANY age if he/she
sees the parents studying also.

Post by Jfer P
I found it
helpful - back when I was planning to have kids - to read Hayim Halevy
Donin's analysis, in _To Raise a Jewish Child_, of just how little
education those few hours a week add up to.

Agreed. My #1 concern.

[...]

Post by Jfer P
Whatever the case, we are lucky now to have access to excellent day
schools of all stripes in most major Jewish communities. Since you're
moving heaven and earth anyway to get him into an afterschool program,
you may as well schlep just a little further and give him the
advantage of a unified spiritual education that will last a lifetime.

Not all day schools are excellent. And many that serve most students well
will honestly admit that they are not a good choice for extremely
special-needs kids (either on the fast end or the slow end).

FWIW, the biggest impact on my Jewish education (I grew up in a small
town, not a big Jewish community, day-school-you-must-be-joking and
my parents wouldn't have sent me anyhow even if there had been one) was
that my parents (who didn't know enough to be confident teachers) cared
enough to somehow find me a tutor who came to my house every week to
teach me and my brother. (He was a young law student from Los
Angeles, a cantor's son, and devastatingly dashing as well as a
good teacher. He was part of the rhythm of our household and had no
shortage of dinners with us.) My early Jewish education had many holes,
but what I learned, I learned well. And again, what really impressed me
was the fact that my education, though not conventional, was a real
priority for my parents too.

I suspect we agree on more than we disagree on. For the original
poster, maybe the most useful takeaway is that *consistency* in a
child's Jewish education is key. If consistency in Hebrew school
attendance isn't going to happen, there's more than one way to do it.
Day school is an option, and one that will provide the most hours of
Jewish education. Regular tutoring in the parent's home, either by the
parent or by another person, is another.

. . .Alexandra

email: aschmidt at gematria dot crd dot ge dot com


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