SCJ-PARENTING digest 1832

Discussion:

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Daniel S. Schultz

2003-12-11 15:04:32 UTC

Would you please post the following on your discussion thread:

I have a fifth-grader (10 year old) son who really does not want to attend
religious school. Religious school at our conservative schul runs 3
days/week, 1.5hrs on the two weekdays and 2.5 hrs on Sundays. Hebrew is
part of the curriculum. My son says that the program is "lame", and they
don't seem to pack much into the 5.5 hrs/week. My son's mother, who has
him 50% of the time, lets him skip when he wants.

My questions are:

1. How does 5.5hrs/week compare to the time commitment required by other
conservative schuls?

2. Does anyone know of a really good religious school curriculum for 5th
and 6th grade that he would recommend?

3. How would you motivate a bright child who loves history and geography
and who learns foreign languages easily to stay in religious school and
study so that he can have a ritual Bar Mitzvah?

4. How would you convince a (Russian Jewish, fluent Hebrew speaking)
ex-spouse (who is very angry at her American Jewish ex-husband and views
religious school as part of his culture) to send a child to religious
school?

Thanks,

Dan
*****************************************************************
* Daniel S.Schultz, MD, MPH Department of Pathology *
* Senior Staff Physician Henry Ford Hospital *
* 313.916.8176 2799 West Grand Blvd. *
* ***@hfhs.org Detroit, MI 48202 *
*****************************************************************

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Adelle D. Stavis, Esq.

2003-12-11 20:56:59 UTC

Permalink

Hello from the VP of Education of a school that just won a gold award in
elementary ed from the USCJ. Can't help with the culture clash much.
After school religious school *is* an American thing, and there is no
getting around that. It comes from the fact that Jews may attend school
with non-Jews here in the US, where that had been denied previously in
Europe. Still, families saw a need to teach Jewish culture and learning
skills, like Hebrew, Torah, etc.

Our standard answer to why should a child be in Religious school is:

1- Where else will they get the material in order to make informed
choices as an adult?
2- It affords bonding with Jewish peers and helps to create/solidify a
Jewish identity. 3 - In a Christian world (no where as evident than at
this time of year) it's important to have an emotional sanctuary, where
you don't have to explain that Santa and the Easter bunny don't visit
and you can't eat bread for eight days in the spring, etc. You need a
place where being Jewish is the norm and to explore the joys of being
Jewish.

(my guess is your school is having a little problem with that last part)

Our school is small, just 30 kids. It is a in a Conservative shul. Fully
3/4's of our kids have either a parent or grandparent who isn't Jewish.
It meets two days (five hours per week) with required attendance at
Monthly Kabbalat Shabbat and Jr. Congregation services. It is a USCJ
School of Excellence (see the USCJ website to get more details).

In our fifth and sixth grades we continue Hebrew proficiency through
prayer (both Kabbalat Shabbat service and Shabbat morning service) and
do small units comparing modern Hebrew to prayer Hebrew. We add Torah
trope (trope is a new element of the curriculum). The students do units
on Judaism History starting with the Babylonian exile through the
founding of the State of Israel (American Jewish history and Holocaust
are covered in different years). The students study the prophets as
their Text focus (which also gives them some pre-Diaspora but post
exodus history). For Holidays they do the modern holidays - Yom
Ha'Atzmaut, Yom Yerushalayim, The Summer Fasts, etc. Then they get a
review of the holidays and kashrut, using the original Torah portions
describing the holidays, as well as beginning to explore Rabbinic texts
on the subjects.

Each year, the students do a book report on a Jewish book (fiction or
non-fiction), lead a Kabbalat Shabbat service, participate in Family
education days, and we try to add a g'milut hasadim project every year.

Our school is not a b'nai mitzvah prep curriculum. Our mission statement
is to create life long Jewish learners. The USCJ does have a middle
school curriculum called the Etgar Program. It is still being studied in
pilot programs. Perhaps there is a shul near your son which is trying
it?

Middle school age is hard, especially when the kids are 'under
challenged.' We especially struggle with the 7th grade being defiant. We
just keep trying to find what hooks each class (have had mixed success).

There are some drier adult books on the history of the Jews along a
timeline. Relating that timeline to the secular world history is
something we plan to teach as a high school course (century by century).
That might interest your son.

B'nai Mitzvah prep is different, depending on what the child is expected
to do. Get "Putting God on the Guest List." It might help you find
something to motivate your son.

When a child doesn't attend school, being 'on the same page' as the rest
of his peers becomes difficult. The student will always feel lost. They
also will not have the same connection with their peers that regular
attendees have. Frequent absences are destructive from both an
educational and peer development perspective.

To find out if the curriculum is truly lame, ask to see some recent
lesson plans/synopses from his class. Ask the Education director what is
happening in the classroom? Is your son right about the curriculum? Is
the curriculum good, but the teachers style not right for him? (that can
be fixed by your working with him when you see him - I'm assuming you
and he no longer live in the same home full time). Is the approach not
right for the more complex thinking abilities of middle schoolers? It's
time to find out what is really going on.

Hope this helps some.

Adelle D. Stavis, Esq.
Remove the c in my name for me to see your reply

Post by Daniel S. Schultz
I have a fifth-grader (10 year old) son who really does not want to
attend religious school. Religious school at our conservative schul
runs 3 days/week, 1.5hrs on the two weekdays and 2.5 hrs on Sundays.
Hebrew is part of the curriculum. My son says that the program is
"lame", and they don't seem to pack much into the 5.5 hrs/week. My
son's mother, who has him 50% of the time, lets him skip when he
wants.
1. How does 5.5hrs/week compare to the time commitment required by
other conservative schuls?
2. Does anyone know of a really good religious school curriculum for
5th and 6th grade that he would recommend?
3. How would you motivate a bright child who loves history and
geography and who learns foreign languages easily to stay in religious
school and study so that he can have a ritual Bar Mitzvah?
4. How would you convince a (Russian Jewish, fluent Hebrew speaking)
ex-spouse (who is very angry at her American Jewish ex-husband and
views religious school as part of his culture) to send a child to
religious school?
Thanks,
Dan
*****************************************************************
* Daniel S.Schultz, MD, MPH Department of Pathology *
* Senior Staff Physician Henry Ford Hospital *
* 313.916.8176 2799 West Grand Blvd. *
*****************************************************************

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Post by Daniel S. Schultz
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drorak

2003-12-12 13:55:26 UTC

Permalink

post.

Howian

2003-12-17 13:37:39 UTC

Permalink

Subject: Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 1832
Date: 12/11/2003 6:34 PM Iran Standard Time
I have a fifth-grader (10 year old) son who really does not want to attend
religious school. Religious school at our conservative schul runs 3
days/week, 1.5hrs on the two weekdays and 2.5 hrs on Sundays. Hebrew is
part of the curriculum. My son says that the program is "lame", and they
don't seem to pack much into the 5.5 hrs/week. My son's mother, who has
him 50% of the time, lets him skip when he wants.
1. How does 5.5hrs/week compare to the time commitment required by other
conservative schuls?
2. Does anyone know of a really good religious school curriculum for 5th
and 6th grade that he would recommend?
3. How would you motivate a bright child who loves history and geography
and who learns foreign languages easily to stay in religious school and
study so that he can have a ritual Bar Mitzvah?
4. How would you convince a (Russian Jewish, fluent Hebrew speaking)
ex-spouse (who is very angry at her American Jewish ex-husband and views
religious school as part of his culture) to send a child to religious
school?
Thanks,
Dan
*****************************************************************
* Daniel S.Schultz, MD, MPH Department of Pathology *
* Senior Staff Physician Henry Ford Hospital *
* 313.916.8176 2799 West Grand Blvd. *
*****************************************************************
============================================================================
This post reflects the author's opinion; the moderators' opinions may differ.
Posters seeking medical or halachic information should consult competent
authorities in those fields.
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This post reflects the author's opinion; the moderators' opinions may differ.
Posters seeking medical or halachic information should consult competent
authorities in those fields.

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Betsy Schwartz

2003-12-17 18:31:02 UTC

Permalink

I think you've got *FOUR* different issues here and sorting them out
will help go a long way towards resolving them:

a) eligibility for a bar mitzvah ceremony
b) what sort of religious education you want for your son
c) coming to an agreement with your ex
d) getting a commitment from your son

Those are in order, IMHO.

What are the absolute minimum requirements to have a ceremony in
your synagogue? And, beyond that, what are *your* hopes for what
your son needs to learn?

Once you have these two things separated, then try to get a written
agreement with your Ex. Are you formally divorced, and if so is this
in the custody agreement? The Nolo Press book ""Child Custody:
Building Agreements That Work", by Mimi E. Lyster" is great for
thinking through all these details. You may want to see a mediator.

Your ex may be able to appreciate, even if she doesn't value Jewish
education, the importance of having your son stick to commitments.
Allow him to cut class, and he may get the idea that cutting high
school is OK too. Perhaps also there is something you can negotiate
in return for her supporting you in this. But do try to get a
written agreement. Point out that for *his* sake, it's not fair to
put your son in the middle between you by sending such a mixed
message.

If the Ex will NOT commit to sending your son to Hebrew school, stop
the tug-of-war and figure out how to meet his Jewish education needs
on an every-other-week basis, through the school or privately.
Ultimately, you can't control what your ex does. It may be better to
pull him out and get a tutor than to allow him to go on a sporadic
basis. But you can set clear expectations for your son when he is
with *you*. Just don't expect him to carry the burden of pressuring
his mom to do something neither of them want to do.
--
Betsy Schwartz
Unix Systems Administrator,CRG
Harvard Graduate School of Design
email: betsys at gsd dot harvard dot edu

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